WAYFARER 40 YEARS SPECIAL EDITION 

about me...

A dynamic figure, I am often seen scaling walls and leaping large buildings in a single bound. I have been known to hand roll cigars from Cuban whole leaf tobacco on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for French refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. When cornering, I lean so far over that I drag both left and right pegs. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo women with my sensuous and godlike drum playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert concerning cheap sunglasses, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in the Virgin Islands. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I write rock ballads for Aerosmith and ZZ Top. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge. I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured Arizona with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations with the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. The laws of physics do not apply to me. I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact orgasms. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only tin foil and a toaster oven. I breed prize winning thoroughbred race horses. I have thrown rocks at God but only hit a disciple. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis. But I have not yet eaten quiche. I ride a Harley Davidson, the best motorcycle ever made. I ride too fast to worry about my cholesterol levels.

founding fathers

FOUNDING FATHERS

founding grandfather...

FOUNDING GRANDFATHER

tee of the week...

brokedick mountain...

A rugged cowboy from Brokeback Mountain Wyoming goes into the doctor's office and has some tests run.

The doctor comes back and says,
"I am not going to beat around the bush, you have AIDS."
The cowboy tugs at his Stetson and sets his jaw and says, "Doc,what can I do?"

The doctor says, "I want you to go home and eat:
5 pounds of hot sausage,
a head of cabbage,
20 un-peeled carrots drenched in hot sauce,
10 Jalapeno peppers,
40 walnuts and 40 peanuts,
1/2 box of Grapenuts cereal,
and top it off with a gallon of prune juice."

The cowboy squares his rugged shoulders and asks,
"Will that cure me Doc?"

"No" replies the doctor,
"But it WILL leave you with a better understanding of what your asshole is really for."

tee of the week...

McDonald's New Adult Happy Meal to Include Blow Job (participating locations only)

Fast food giant McDonald's continues to fine tune the new adult marketed Go-Active! Happy Meal, adding bottled water, a better tasting salad and slightly more adult-themed prizes.
"We are currently testing several new features of the adult Happy Meal as well as a slightly edgier version of Ronald McDonald," said McDonald's publicity chief Judy Tennison. "We have also replaced the current exercise pamphlet and stepometer with a coupon for half hour session at a participating Asian massage parlor." (California and Las Vegas only).
McDonald's corporate office was most excited about the introduction of the new spokesman, who they are optimistic adults will have a much easier time identifying with, rather than the current version of Ronald McDonald, still popular with kids around the world.
"Right now we're calling him Oswald McDonald -- Ozzy for short," Tennison said. "In our focus group studies, many of the18-to-34 year-olds found him much more appealing in a sexy and dangerous way. We think he may be end up being a sort of cross between [Limp Bizkit frontman] Fred Durst and Freddy Krueger of the 'Nightmare on Elm Street' films."
Beginning in August, Oswald McDonald will be featured in a string of commercials consisting of a mini-dating show, where the new spokesman will be searching for a lucky bride among the most fervent McDonald's customers.
Many critics of McDonald's question the new marketing strategy, saying that the healthier, more adult-oriented Happy Meal came a little too late and only after a recent documentary focused on the unhealthy, high fat content of traditional McDonald's offerings — something the corporate office still denies.
"The important thing is we've listened to what our older customers want, and it's clear what they want is healthier food and the ability to receive oral gratification for under five bucks. Now they can."

tee of the week...

I Enjoy The Occasional Tranq Dart...

I'm a regular lowland gorilla like anybody else. And sometimes, at the end of a particularly frantic and rampaging day, I need a little something to take the edge off.
I'm not proud of it, but then, I don't think I'm doing anything wrong, either. After a whole day of screeching territorial calls and rebounding off the walls of my artificial-ecosystem enclosure, I get pretty tense. And from time to time, yes, I do like to have a zookeeper pump me full of tranquilizers from an air-compression rifle dart.
The first time I took a hit, I fell hard. I clutched at the stinging sensation in my upper shoulder and roared with all my might. Must've put the fear of God into those poor schoolchildren, not to mention the rescue workers who were retrieving the one that "accidentally" fell into my pen (which is bull, by the way—that kid wanted to climb in). I felt disoriented and confused for a second, so I lashed out. I nearly pulled one of the zookeeper's arms out of the socket, and likely would have if my strength hadn't started to ebb.
But then I realized everything was okay. A warm, pleasant feeling of calm settled over me. It was a feeling I hadn't felt since the last time I was free, in the jungle eating twigs in the shade under a leafy rain-forest canopy, or maybe even earlier, when I was an infant suckling on my mother's sweet hairy bosom.
"This is great!" I thought. "I can feel the tension leaving my shoulders." And I'm not ashamed to admit that it's a feeling I've occasionally sought out again.
It's not a big deal. It's not as if I'm pumped up with wild-animal-management sedatives all day long. It's just those crazy days when you can't stop screaming and thumping your chest, and you need a little something to help you relax. Who among us hasn't bitten a handler's ear off? When you're bellowing at top volume and ripping your tire swing in half, a nice tranq dart can be just what the doctor ordered.
One thing is for sure: I don't have a tranquilizer dart "problem." I don't need to explain the kind of pressures a silverback living in captivity faces on a daily basis. First of all, consider my limited territorial-roaming capacity! That alone is enough to drive an ape to darts.
Or take swinging from the same old bars day in and day out. I don't think there's a single thing up there I haven't swung on at least a thousand times. It beats me how the monkeys can keep doing it without going mad with boredom.
Plus, there's the whole question of maintaining your place in the social hierarchy. Everybody on your ass all the time, trying to outroar you, or pound his chest more than you do, or make the smell of his urine dominate your areas of the habitat. It's a damned zoo.
It's hard to rise to a position of responsibility like mine, but keeping it is where the real work comes in. Every gorilla in captivity wants to be the alpha male, so I'm constantly on the offensive. I deserve to cut loose and let off a little steam with the occasional male-power display and subsequent dart.
And it's not like there's a lot of young females to go around, either. They keep the best-looking one in a special lab learning sign language. Most of the females seem infertile, anyway, and many are morose and uninvolved in the day-to-day competitive screeching of the group. So I get a little wound up now and then. Who wouldn't?
Take the day they left me in a temporary holding cage while they cleaned the display habitat. First off, it's a 10-by-8-foot space, so I'm rebounding off the walls like a racquetball inside of 20 minutes. Then, they put the cage right next to a holding pen with another alpha-male silverback in it. Hello? After eight hours of that, I was ready to relax with a little shot in the arm. Sometimes celery and bananas aren't enough, you know? Does that make me a dart addict? I don't think so. But if you disagree, then go ahead and judge me. Be careful, though, because I could pound the living shit out of you once this dart wears off.

see previous post (racist cocksucker)...

song list (spanky's)

brett,
the following is a partial list brandon and i can do acoustically...we can add to it and change it up each week...it should give you an idea of what to expect... some have harp intro's and some have the bass line plus rhythm as well as backup vocals...
"tree top flyer" is our hook, we open and close with it.

tree top flyer (buffet/stills)
before you accuse me (clapton)
great day to be alive (tritt)
jack and diane (mellencamp)
closing time (semi sonic)
damage done (young)
seven bridges road (eagles)
vincent (mcclain)
the joker (miller)
pride and joy (vaughn)
man of constant sorrow (soggy mountain boys)
cats in the cradle (chapin)
signs (five man electric band/tesla)
son of a son of a sailor (buffet)
god will (lovett)
big hat no cattle (newman)
it's been awhile (stained)
american pie (mcclain)
od'd in denver (williams jr)
pencil thin moustache (buffet)
time (hootie and the blowfish)
prayer to st. peter (mccain)
new orleans ladies (leroux)
daniel (john)
simple man (lynyrd skynyrd)
jaded lover (walker)
tennessee flat top box (cash)
like a rock (seger)
happy trails (rogers/van halen)
pink houses (mellencamp)
sunday morning coming down (kristofferson)
if i had a boat (lovett)
she talks to angels (black crowes)
louisiana 1927 (newman)
if i were a carpenter (cash)
dust in the wind (kansas)
sing me back home (haggard)
time of your life (greenday)
the ballad of curtis lowe (lynyrd skynyrd)
hot rod lincoln (travers)
picture (rock)
ice cream man (van halen)
just can't see him from the road (ledoux)
the weight (the band)
if she didn't say fuck so much (attaway)
blue eyes cryin' in the rain (nelson)
sweet melissa (allman)
the ride (coe)
desperado (eagles)
freebird (lynyrd skynyrd)
chevy van (kershaw)
night moves (seger)
guitar town (earle)
southern cross (csn)
bayou boys (raven)
amy (pure prairie league)
you can leave your hat on (cocker)

racist cocksucker

if every time i open a newspaper or view the evening news there is another blue man or midget carjacking some european american for some crack cocaine or complaining that me as a self professed european american, blue eyed devil, cracker, honky, is the reason they feel oppressed and angry; if that pisses me off and makes we want to shout "shut the fuck up before i kick your blue ass" am i being racist? is the fact that my opinion of blue men and midgets are based on their behavior and shitty attitude and not the fact that they are a different color or rise to the height of my nut sack?

fuck blue men…
fuck midgets…

i have always wanted to spank the ass of some big breasted, big ass, blue chick...it's not because she's blue that i want to........(more later)
i don't have time to completely cover this strange analogy of racism so i will wrap it up with this:
some black people (i apologize; african americans) don't irritate this cracker (again i must apologize; european american) because of their skin color but because of their behavior. when the news becomes filled with the bullshit, fucked up antics of blue people or midgets then i will have a negative view of that group too...
i am not a racist,,,
i'm simply an observer of current events...

ADHDTV (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder Television)...

The Federal Communications Commission voted 3-1 Monday to require electronics manufacturers to make all television sets ADHD-compatible within two years.
To adhere to the guidelines, every program, with the exception of "The Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi Show", will have to be sped up to meet the new standard frame rate of 120 frames per second.
FCC Chairman Kevin Martin characterized the move as "a natural, forward-thinking response to the changing needs of the average American viewer."
"In the media-saturated climate of the modern age, few have the time and energy to sit still for an entire episode of King Of Queens," Martin said. "Although the FCC will leave it up to the television networks to make the necessary programming changes, we are recommending, in accordance with the ADHDTV standard, that all shows be no more than six minutes in length, and that they contain jarring and unpredictable camera cuts to shiny props and detailed background sets."
"We're also advising that intra-episode recaps occur every 45 seconds," he added.
The ruling represents a growing shift toward ADHDTV, a television format designed to meet the needs of an increasingly inattentive and hyperactive audience. The tuner includes a built-in device that automatically changes channels after three minutes of uninterrupted single-station viewing, as well as a picture-in-picture-in-picture-in-picture option.
According to Sony, the leading manufacturer of the ADHD-compatible sets, the new technology will allow viewers to play up to three simultaneous video games while watching television.
Two Lansing, MI children watch an ADHDTV promo for the entire prime-time network lineup.
"Many of our ADHDTVs will come with a motorized base," Sony spokesperson Richard O'Dell said. "In the event that the viewer turns his attention away from the television, it will begin to rotate and emit sirens and piercing shrieks."
The mandate to conform to the new format has already been met with some resistance, particularly from movie channels like HBO, live programs such as ABC's Monday Night Football, and the History Channel, whose ambitious five-part, 10-hour historical documentary about World War II, slated for completion in late 2007, will have to be shortened to a six-minute montage of the war set to a medley of Ashlee Simpson hits.
Some networks, however, are embracing the change.
"A majority of our shows are only watchable for a few minutes at a time anyway," said Fox president Peter Liguori, whose recently unveiled fall 2007 TV schedule includes over 850 new series. "We're going to roll out an exciting lineup of major sporting-event highlights, late-night yell shows, and a brand-new season of The O.C. that will feature 37 new characters and—well, I don't want to give too much away, but let's just say it will have a lot more guys jumping up and down, saying, 'Hey! Hey! Look over here!'"
On standard 4:3 televisions, ADHDTV programs will be shown in letterbox format, with the top and bottom of the screen alternately filled with bright, flittering butterflies, undulating rainbow-colored patterns, and singing hamsters in top hats.Skeptics say the switch to ADHDTV will likely be delayed in favor of other projects or even completely forgotten by next week. However, the FDA is fast-tracking approval of the new drug Entertainalin, developed in anticipation of the modified programming. In clinical trials, the drug has been effective in helping viewers concentrate not only on the new TV format, but also on their immediate surroundings, the couch fabric, a dog passing by the window, and pieces of lint floating in the air

oxymoron 101 ("romantic" with someone who has a tongue like a lama?)

oxymoron ( P ) Pronunciation Key (ok-si-môrn)n. pl. ox·y·mo·ra
A rhetorical figure in which incongruous or contradictory terms are combined, as in a deafening silence or romantic Gene Simmons.

A woman who claims to be a former girlfriend of KISS rocker Gene Simmons can proceed with a defamation lawsuit in which she says he made her sound like a sex-addicted nymphomaniac (cool....actually he made her make sounds like the monkey cage at the zoo) during a VH1 television show, a judge has ruled.
State Supreme Court Justice Rosalyn Richter(she is angry because gene didn't check her temperature with his baseball glove size tongue...a male judge would have told the "god of thunder" to continue to "rock out with his cock out" and thrown the suit and stinky crotch georgeann out of his court) denied Simmons' motion to dismiss two of three claims by Georgeann Walsh Ward, 53, who says in court papers made public yesterday that Simmons slandered(actually gene orally slandered her way before yesterday) her during a "rockumentary" about KISS. Ward said in her lawsuit, filed in January, that photos of her appeared 11 times during the report on KISS, which was shown on the network several times in July and August. In it, Simmons claimed to have had sexual encounters with 4,600 women(kiss "ruled the world" for 5 years, not 30. at that rate the author who penned such beautiful ballads as: "love gun", "dance all over your face", "love in chains", "tough love", "spit", "put the x in sex", "down on your knees", "love is a slap in the face", "dirty livin", "i love it loud", "anyway you slice it", "lick it up", and "bang bang bang you" porked some nympho chick every 34,000 seconds. at that rate gene didn't have time to bend georgeann over some backstage red velvet couch and give her some "romance". is it really romantic if all you can see from the man's perspective is her shoulder blades and the crack of her ass? is it really romantic for a woman if all she sees and hears is the headboard slaming against her forehead?)
The documentary, When KISS Ruled The World, chronicled the band's 30-year career, its impact on rock music and the quartet's wild antics(i'm known for my wild antics too but,,,i have never made a plaster of paris mold of my cock and gave them for presents...i guess it's just another romantic example of a unique valentine gift from the bang bang bang you new york bass player). The other band members were guitarist/singer Paul Stanley, drummer Peter Criss, and guitarist Ace Frehley.
Simmons says during the show, "There wasn't a girl that was off limits (cool), and I enjoyed every one of them" (very cool), Ward's court papers say.
At another point Simmons says, "I was a 24-hour whore. All I ever thought about was sex." This, court papers say, was shown and followed by a photo of Ward with Simmons.
Ward's papers say that because a photo of her with Simmons -- though her name is never mentioned -- was shown during remarks about his sexual adventures, she was in effect portrayed as "wild" and "unchaste." (uh,,,yea. i guess the pics of her and gene were taken as they left catholic mass.)
Richter let stand(see the previous comment about temperature and baseball gloves) Ward's two claims that she was depicted as unchaste or promiscuous during the documentary, even though Ward admitted she was in a "romantic" (see headboard, shoulder blades and asscrack) relationship with Simmons.

word to self...(dr. suess)

"you have brains in your head.
you have feet in your shoes.
you can steer yourself any direction you choose.
you're on your own.
and you know what you know.
and YOU are the one who'll decide where to go."

treetop flyer...

I could be a rambler from the Seven Dials
I don't pay taxes 'cause I never file
I don't do bid'ness that don't make me smile
I love my helicopter cause she's got style
I'm a treetop flyer
Treetop flyer
I fly any cargo that you can pay to run
The bush league pilots, they just can't get the job done
You've got to fly down the canyon, keep your back to the sun
There's no such thing as an easy run
I'm a treetop flyer
Treetop flyer
I fly low, I'm in high demand
Go 15 feet over the Rio Grande
I blow the mesquite right up off the sand
I'm seldon seen, 'specially when I land
I'm a treetop flyer
Born survivor
Now people been askin' me where'd you learn to fly that way
Was over in Vietnam, chasin' the NVA
The government taught me, and they taught me right
Stay down below the treeline and you'll be alright
I'm a treetop flyer
Born survivor
So I'm comin' home, I'm runnin' low and fast
Promised my woman this is gonna be my last
I get the ship down, I tie her fast
And then some old boy wakes up, and he says
"Hey son, wanna make some fast cash?"
I'm a treetop flyer
Well there's things I am
And there's things I am not
Yes I'm a smuggler and I could get shot
I ain't gonna die, I ain't going to get caught
You see I'm a flying fool, and this helicopter is, woo, hot
I'm a treetop flyer
Born survivor
Workin' alone

charity blue dog...

We Will Rise Again
George Rodrigue presents a silkscreen benefiting the victims of Hurricane KatrinaThose of us from South Louisiana grew up with the aftermaths of hurricanes Audrey, Betsy, Camille...and now Katrina. As with times before, "we will rise again." Tears and rising water threaten to drown us. But don't be deceived. The land may be under water, but the spirit of New Orleans and the culture of Louisiana hold their heads high.We Will Rise Again shows the American flag covered with water. The blue dog is partly submerged, and its eyes, normally yellow, are red with a broken heart. Like a ship's S.O.S., the red cross on the dog's chest calls out for help.Katrina hit me personally at Ground Zero. My immediate thought was for the safety of people I know, followed by the shock of seeing helicopters and boats alongside familiar street signs, as rescuers assisted people from rooftops and attics. For the second time in this young 21st century I sat at my easel weighted by personal sorrow and my desire to help, this time also reflecting on the devastation of my city and the suffering of my neighbors.New Orleans has been home to my gallery and studio for sixteen years; it is where the Blue Dog was born. My wife is a third generation New Orleanian, and the Big Easy remains the 'big city' to my Cajun hometown of New Iberia. Wendy and I join thousands of New Orleans residents in our pledge to go HOME, to re-build our city, and to pay tribute to those who lost their lives with a commitment to care for our citizens, embrace our culture, and make the good times roll ... again.
George RodrigueSeptember 2005
www.georgerodrigue.com

the revenge of overwhelming toil

i guess if my desk had a vagina or my high back leather office chair felt like a leather mustang seat on a custom harley davidson fat boy i wouldn’t go on these online shopping sprees. buying ray ban’s online is easy. i have seen them in real life on someone’s face before. i have been somewhere and said to myself: “i gotta have a pair.” name, billing address, credit card number, then spank the “enter” key on keyboard and 3 days later a new pair of shades. the timepiece purchase was something different. the invicta watch company sends me their catalog each month hounding me to purchase the new invicta lupah grand. to show my non mustang seat, vagina-less office that i would not be its slave i went online, chose the grand lupah and spanked the "enter" key again. more later,,,,,,,(really)….

attitude (a family tradition novella)

so she says:
“what’s with your freakin attitude”,,, ”you act just like your grandfathers”
so he says:
“fuckin groovy”,,,”thank you”

my lovely ex wife with the big ass (i like big butts (really) and i cannot lie, you other brothers can’t deny, that when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waste and a round thing in your face you get sprung, wanna pull up front cuz you notice that butt was stuffed deep in the jeans she's wearing, i'm hooked and i can't stop staring oh, baby i wanna get with ya, and take your picture, my homeboys tried to warn me, but with that butt you got me so horny...fat bottom girls you make the rockin' world go round...) and megaphone mouth used to bark that at me with the regularity of metamucil. it was her response to any reply of mine short of “yes master.” i assumed divorced meant no longer wed AND free from irritating remarks spewed from her 8000Db pie hole. i guess i should have read the small words after the big word alimony. my “attitude” comes supernaturally and directly via my biker grandfathers’ loud ass gene pool. thomas larkin was a hell raising irishman who rode a harley davidson for the good guys during the day. his favorite saying: “if you want sympathy you can find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary.” luther andrew was an ex navy sea bee that owned a successful garage in baton rouge that allowed freddie fender to hide his stolen motorcycles in the back of the shop. he worked only on days that ended in “y” and at night loaded up on his indian motorcycle with his steele pony amigos and tore off to new orleans to drink, chase women, and fight. my memories of spending the night at my grandmothers on the occasional weekend are tainted with my grandmother whispering in my ear: “get up baby, we have to get pop out of the big house in new orleans.” my attitude has mellowed considerably as the days have slowly passed since my drinking (i should come clean about my previous cocaine mis-use but this is a public blog with 4,603 hits) and titty bar era. if you look at me today i still physically resemble that attitude. the facial hair is still there but neatly trimmed. the holes are still in my tongue, nipples, and ears. the entire back of my head remains permanently engraved in tribal style ink but salt and peppered short cropped hair covers the lions share of that body art. i still believe sex with a party girl sporting long red fingernails in the men’s room at hooters is a legitimate first date. i still believe that a man should open the door for a lady, and that a wife can tell her husband he needs to go to the gym but a husband should never tell his wife she needs to go to the gym. i still prescribe to the notion that “glamour shots” for a man means they didn’t catch you scratching your family jewels in the picture, and,,,,,,,,, (my “quit fucking off” warning light has appeared (again) on my desk dashboard,,,i will finish this seemingly pointless non fiction novella when i remove my nose from the proverbial grindstone)

word (to self)

no man's final dying words are:
"i wish i would have spent more time at the office"...

postcard (from my grandmother suffering with tourette's syndrome)

my SHIT BITCH sweet FUCK FUCK andrew,

the CO CO COCKSUCKER PISS FUCK SSSSHIT weather is MOMOMOTHERFUCKER grand, wish ASSHOLE DAAAAMN you were MONKEY SHIT BITCH here!

LOUISIANA SOLD BACK TO FRANCE

BATON ROUGE, LA. - The White House announced today that President Bush has successfully sold the state of Louisiana back to the French at more than double its original selling price of $11,250,000. "This is a bold step forward for America," said Bush. "And America will be stronger and better as a result. I stand here today in unity with French Prime Minister Jack Sharaq, who was so kind to accept my offer of Louisiana in exchange for 25 million dollars cash."The state, ravaged by Hurricane Katrina, will cost hundreds of billions of dollars to rebuild. "Jack understands full well that this one's a 'fixer upper,'" said Bush. "He and the French people are quite prepared to pump out all that water, and make Louisiana a decent place to live again. And they've got a lot of work to do. But Jack's assured me, if it's not right, they're going to fix it."The move has been met with incredulity from the beleaguered residents of Louisiana."Shuba-pie!" said New Orleans resident Willis Babineaux. "Frafer-perly yum kom drabby sham!" However, President Bush's decision has been widely lauded by Republicans. "This is an unexpected but brilliant move by the President," said Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist. "Instead of spending billions and billions, and billions of dollars rebuilding the state of Louisiana, we've just made 25 million dollars in pure profit.""This is indeed a smart move," commented Fox News analyst Brit Hume. "Not only have we stopped the flooding in our own budget, we've made money on the deal. Plus, when the god-awful French are done fixing it up, we can easily invade and take it back again."

twenty three september, 21:00 (so far so good)...

dé·jà vu senorita rita...

dé·jà vu ( P ) Pronunciation Key (dzhä v) n. An impression of having seen or experienced something before...

southern man...

out of all the hollywood types you meet in the helicopter business, john is by far the most humble and non opportunistic of the lot. we at southern helicopters are proud to be a part of the filming of his new effort ...

as simple as big ole boobies????

it must be a wiring problem in my freudian id. perhaps my amygdala is predisposed to lesbian porn. maybe it’s as simple as this: i think big ole boobies are cool…. whatever the reason, i think pam anderson and angelina jolie saying “i do” to one another and then videoing the honeymoon is bliss. even rosie o’donnell spanking the ass of ellen degeneres has some cinematic appeal if all sports were to suddenly cancel their television contracts. but,,, the thought of brad pitt saying “i do” to bruce willis leaves me emotionally devastated, impotent, and lacking anything comparable to morning wood...

see previous post: oprah likes it doggy style...

coming soon...(a story of male sensitivity)

how can i love you if you won't lay down?

i don't want to work (i just want to bang on the drum all day)

my new doc martin's are a size ten...

oprah likes it doggy style...

03 september, 2005.
oprah and matthew mcconaughey rented one of our helicopters to rescue cats and dogs (i guess i should have asked the non male sounding show producer who called, “what are you going to rescue?”) while real live human beings waited on their roof tops to be rescued and the water rose in the streets of new orleans….is it just me or is that just old fashioned freakin’ wrong??? i love dogs. i tolerate cats. i even have shoes and underwear made of cow hide (the part about shoes is pure bullshit), and think spraying paul mitchell spritz into the eyes of lassie is the wrong way to prove the shit will not burn your eyes. but,,, someone's grandmother had been on the top of their roof top (i mean roof TOP,,,the peak, the absolute apex, the “if i move down one row of shingles my ass will get wet”) for five days without the first drop of food or water…i guess too much money masks your basic instinct concerning what is fucking crazy and what is not. i must freely state again without reservation: I LOVE FREAKIN’ ANIMALS! i must too trump that statement with: I LOVE FREAKIN’ GRANDMA’S MORE!!!!!
the next morning i fired oprah. (rest assured, that will be on my new resume) to be more specific, i told her producer "boy" no more doggie and kitty cat missions until all the roof tops in the big easy are grandma-less. and grandpa-less. and homo sapien-less…

word to self...

"successful people make a habit of doing the small things they don't like to do"...
"the only place success appears before work is in the dictionary"...

we (now) feel your pain...

please remember (we just want to go home)

Andy...this is going to be a long comment, but I heard this on the radio yesterday, and if you haven't heard it yet, I know it's something that you, more than anyone else I talk to, would appreciate. It was originally published in the Times-Picayune, and is written by an editorialist named Chris Rose. Here ya go, I hope you like:
Dear America, I suppose we should introduce ourselves: We're South Louisiana.We have arrived on your doorstep on short notice and we apologize for that, but we never were much for waiting around for invitations. We're not much on formalities like that.And we might be staying around your town for a while, enrolling in your schools and looking for jobs, so we wanted to tell you a few things about us. We know you didn't ask for this and neither did we, so we're just going to have to make the best of it.First of all, we thank you. For your money, your water, your food, your prayers, your boats and buses and the men and women of your National Guards, fire departments, hospitals and everyone else who has come to our rescue.We're a fiercely proud and independent people, and we don't cotton much to outside interference, but we're not ashamed to accept help when we need it. And right now, we need it.Just don't get carried away. For instance, once we get around to fishing again, don't try to tell us what kind of lures work best in your waters. We're not going to listen. We're stubborn that way.You probably already know that we talk funny and listen to strange music and eat things you'd probably hire an exterminator to get out of your yard.We dance even if there's no radio. We drink at funerals. We talk too much and laugh too loud and live too large and, frankly, we're suspicious of others who don't.But we'll try not to judge you while we're in your town.Everybody loves their home, we know that. But we love South Louisiana with a ferocity that borders on the pathological. Sometimes we bury our dead in LSU sweatshirts.Often we don't make sense. You may wonder why, for instance - if we could only carry one small bag of belongings with us on our journey to your state - why in God's name did we bring a pair of shrimp boots?We can't really explain that. It is what it is.You've probably heard that many of us stayed behind. As bad as it is, many of us cannot fathom a life outside of our border, out in that place we call Elsewhere.The only way you could understand that is if you have been there, and so many of you have. So you realize that when you strip away all the craziness and bars and parades and music and architecture and all that hooey, really, the best thing about where we come from is us. We are what made this place a national treasure. We're good people. And don't be afraid to ask us how to pronounce our names. It happens all the time.When you meet us now and you look into our eyes, you will see the saddest story ever told. Our hearts are broken into a thousand pieces. But don't pity us. We're gonna make it. We're resilient. After all, we've been rooting for the Saints for 35 years. That's got to count for something.OK, maybe something else you should know is that we make jokes at inappropriate times. But what the hell.And one more thing: In our part of the country, we're used to having visitors. It's our way of life.So when all this is over and we move back home, we will repay to you the hospitality and generosity of spirit you offer to us in this season of our despair.That is our promise. That is our faith.
P.S. Please remember, we just want to go home.

i'm back (i'm nation wide)

gran·di·ose
Pronunciation: 'gran-dE-"Os
Function: adjective: characterized by affectation of grandeur or splendor or by absurd exaggeration
See Synonym: Cheapsunglasses

street cemetery (RIP)

cem·e·ter·y ( P ) Pronunciation Key (sem-ah-tr-e) n. pl. cem·e·ter·ies
A place for burying the dead; a graveyard.

this is the last heartrending subject i will post.
i can't live this way...
i can't live in this hope--less frame of mind...
hopelessness is not my style.....
i will awake in the morning and return the cheap sunglasses to my face where they belong. the future has not been bright enough for shades in nine days. i will dream what i have to dream tonight to return the sunshine to my cold face.
i will awake in the morning with a new pair of shades...

day six (fax)

ATTENTION: ANDREW OWENS/SOUTHERN HELICOPTERS
RE: RELIEF SUPPLIES TO CHALMETTE, LA

THERE ARE AT LEAST 1,800 PEOPLE AT THE ST. BERNARD PARISH COURT HOUSE. THESE PEOPLE HAVE BEEN RESCUED BY LOCAL LAW ENFORCEMENT BUT HAVE NO SUPPLIES WHATSOEVER. PLEASE SEND ANYTHING YOU CAN. THESE PEOPLE ARE STARTING TO DIE...

hold off on my payroll check (paid in full)

Dearest
Andy Owens, Benjie Seal, Steve Simpson, Mike Stark, Crew at Southern Helicopters,

Just wanted to thank you for going in and rescuing Deborah Littleton from New Orleans Louisiana. In spite of the personal risk, you armed yourselves, jumped in your helicopter, and stepped in when no one else wanted to and for that, you have my gratitude. You are wonderful people.

God did something special to you all today, He made you angels, He touched you and helped you get Debbie and her 2 heelers to safety. I don't know if you see it that way or not, but I truly believe you were touched today.

Thank you,
Diane

three september two thousand and five (in pictures)

speechless

monday morning at 5:17 am my electricity went off....(five days of crazy and miserable shit goes here)...today they shot at my companies helicopters as we tried to rescue people who have lived on their roof tops for one hundred and six hours...what more can i say?

louisiana... nineteen twenty seven (revisited)

What has happened down here is the wind have changed
Clouds roll in from the south and it started to rain
Rained real hard and rained for a real long time
Six feet of water in the streets of Evangeline
The river rose all day
The river rose all night
Some people got lost in the flood
Some people got away alright
The river have busted through cleard down to Plaquemines
Six feet of water in the streets of Evangelne

Louisiana, Louisiana
They're tyrin' to wash us away
They're tryin' to wash us away
Louisiana, Louisiana
They're tryin' to wash us away
They're tryin' to wash us away...

President Coolidge came down in a railroad train
With a little fat man with a note-pad in his hand
The President say, "Little fat man isn't it a shame what the river has done
To this poor crackers land."

Louisiana, Louisiana
They're tyrin' to wash us away
They're tryin' to wash us away
Louisiana, Louisiana
They're tryin' to wash us away
They're tryin' to wash us away...

louisiana 1927 (randy newman)

the anatomy of a hurricane

Served in a Pat O'Brien's logo glass and garnished with an orange slice and a cherry, the fruity red concoction was created during World War II when liquor such as whiskey was in low supply. In order to purchase just one case of these liquors, liquor salesmen forced bar owners to purchase as much as 50 cases of rum, which was plentiful. In an effort to use the abundance of rum that Pat O'Brien's acquired, the recipe for the Hurricane evolved with the help of an eager liquor salesman. The name came soon after when a glass shaped like a hurricane lamp was used to serve the fruity rum cocktail.
The Pat O'Brien's Hurricane glass is one of the most sought-after souvenirs in New Orleans. Many New Orleanians have one or more in their possession, and as for what they do with those glasses once they get home, one Pat O'Brien's patron pointed out, "A Pat O's Hurricane glass can hold exactly $10.00 in pennies."

HURRICANE INGREDIENTS

• 1½ oz - Vodka
• ¼ oz - Grenadine
• 1 oz - Gin
• 1 oz - Light Rum
• ½ oz - Bacardi 151 Proof Rum
• 1 oz - Amaretto
• 1 oz - Triple Sec
• 2 oz - Grapefruit Juice
• 2 oz - Pineapple Juice

Pour all but the juices, in order listed, into a hurricane glass three-quarters filled with ice. Fill with equal parts of grapefruit and pineapple juice, and serve.

rebel (with a lost cause)

UNCLE!!!
NO MAS!!!
FUCKIN EH!!!
NA NA NA NA...
NA NA NA NA..HEEEEEEY....
GOODBYE!!!!

i wish i had more time to go into depth and fully explain the history of this life changing rant but, leaping tall buildings in a single bound has my time management skills pegged. i am going to a anti harley davidson platform and having all my tattoo's removed with a death laser beam of light. i have found that not getting tattoo's, taking the metal out of my ears, mouth, nipple's, and the area below my belt buckle, waaaay below my belt buckle, (see, that's bullshit...i'm trying to tune down my grandiosity) and riding a freakin' bmw motorcycle is now being rebellious. the harley davidson quandary has been coming for years now. in the past, if you had a heart attack in sturgis or daytona someone would throw you a beer and beat on your chest yelling, "wake up asshole!” In the last 5 years at these same, once sinful rally’s, if you have a heart attack and someone yells "is there a doctor in the house", every swinging dick in town parks their bikes and comes running. what finally pushed me over the edge is what happened today. at harley davidson of baton rouge, a guy in some leather pants and a pink harley muscle shirt got off his bike, removed his helmet, and his hair didn't budge. it looked just like it did when he moosed and styled it with the blow dryer this morning.....
my "you've been fucking off too long" alarm is going off so i will shut it down for now. i plan in the future to further explain this sudden change, but for now, it's back to leaping tall buildings in a single bound...

rebel (with a lost cause) reasons one through three

signs signs, everywhere signs...

word (to self)

don't worry so much about wrapping the package that you never give it....

uh,,,,ok........

useless howdy doody factoids (like there are some useful ones)

howdy's sisters name: judy doody
howdy's retarded brothers name: special doody
howdy's fat aunts name: heavy doody
howdy's bipolar brothers name: moody doody
howdy's workaholic dads name: extra doody
howdy's pot smoking cousins name: groovy doody
howdy's homosexual boyfriends name: fruity doody
any information concerning the possibility of howdy packing wooden balls will be addressed on a "as need to know basis".......
i have received several comments suggesting i made all this up....well you freakin' party poopers, i did....now ya happy????

boom

Two Arab mothers are sitting in a cafe shop in Baghdad, chatting over a pint of warm goat's milk. The older of the mothers pulls her bag out and starts flipping through pictures and they start reminiscing.
"This is my oldest son Mohammed. He's 24 years old."
"Yes, I remember him as a baby" says the other mother cheerfully.
"He's a martyr now though" Mum confides. "A suicide bomber. "
"Oh, so sad dear" says the other.
"And this is my second son Khalid. He's 21".
"Oh, I remember him," says the other happily, "he had such curly hair when he was born".
"He's a martyr too" says Mum quietly. "A car bomber."
"Oh gracious me", says the other."
"And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed." "He's 18", she whispers.
"Yes" says the friend enthusiastically, "I remember when he first started school."
"He's a martyr also" says Mum, with tears in her eyes.
After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says....
"They blow up so fast, don't they?"

resume

i have been paid to:

fry chicken in baton rouge...
sell womens shoes...
pump gas...
landscape...
emcee the chippendales...
dress like santa claus...
cause environmental awareness...
sell radio commercials...
announce the traffic and weather...
spin records...
bale hay...
wait tables...
audit hotels and restaurants...
shovel mule shit in the grand canyon...
sing in bars...
vaccinate cows...
bartend...
hook up 13,000 volts in st. croix...
change bills in las vegas...
bbq steaks in the bottom of the grand canyon...
write greeting cards...
sell used cars...
keep drunken fans from jumping on stage at guns and roses concerts...
keep people off of the field at super bowl 26 in pasadena...
break up fights at “bull-a-rama” for the professional bull riders association...
sell bibles...
build petro chemical plants nationwide...
hang sheetrock...
arm wrestle...
protect michael jackson, garth brooks, jay leno, the dallas cowboy cheerleaders, don henley, fleetwood mac, guns and roses, oj simpson...
pull gates at rodeos in arizona...
throw people out of titty bars...
counsel teens at a boarding school in vicksburg...
put out wild fires in lame deer montana with a helicopter...
fire oprah...

jaded

Who keeps on trusting you
When you’ve been cheating
And spending your nights on the town
And who keeps on saying that he still wants you
When you’re through running around
And who keeps on loving you
When you’ve been lying
Saying things ain’t what they seem
God does
But I don’t
God will
But I won’t
And that’s the difference
Between God and me...
So who says he’ll forgive you
And says that he’ll miss you
And dream of your sweet memory
God does
But I don’t
God will
But I won’t
And that’s the difference
Between God and me...

ugly knock knock joke

this is wrong on so many levels....

The Dirty Martini

The Dirty Martini

is she man enough for the job? unfortunately yes...

Sir Andrew Asspanker Loverod

My Porn Star Name is: Sir Andrew Asspanker Loverod

Get your own Porn Star Name

chris leblanc (hometown boy does good)

Over the years Chris has peformed with: ZZ Top, Buddy Guy, Edwin McCain, Double Trouble, Funky Meters, Widespread Panic, Little Feat, Jeff Healy, North Mississippi All Stars, Los Lobos, Galactic, Soulhat, Filter, Tonic, Better Than Ezra, Storyville, Ian Moore, Fishbone, Kansas, The Smithereens, Kenny Wayne Shepherd, Chris Whitley, Cowboy Mouth, Chris Duarte Group, Charlie Sexton, Radiators, Walter Wolfman Washington, Drivin'-n-Cryin', Col. Bruce Hampton, Wayne Toupes, Papa Grows Funk, Delbert McClinton, Fabulous Thunderbirds, Sonny Landreth, Big Luther Kent, Marcia Ball, and many others.
The Chris LeBlanc band plays regularly (check out concert dates on his website: www.chrisleblancband.com) throughout Southern Louisiana in local bars and clubs. His live shows are power packed and full of musical passion.

more "boob" stuff

sir duke

1. some dumb ass lifetime channel watching, draft dodging, flag burning, non nascar watching, un-american, hug the whales, sissy boy in my psychology of adjustment class couldn't name a single john wayne movie and said i was full of shit when i told him there were 172 to choose from...well you communist, here ya go.....(and by the way ladies,,,if your old man can't name at least 5 then he probably pee's sitting down)
   
   The Shootist (1976) .... J.B. Books
   Rooster Cogburn (1975) .... Rooster Cogburn... aka Rooster Cogburn and the Lady
   Brannigan (1975) .... Lt. Jim Brannigan (Chicago PD).
   McQ (1974) .... Det. Lt. Lon McQ
   Cahill U.S. Marshal (1973) .... U.S. Marshal J.D. Cahill
   The Train Robbers (1973) .... Lane
   The Cowboys (1972) .... Wil Andersen
   Big Jake (1971) .... Jacob 'Big Jake' McCandles
   Rio Lobo (1970) .... Col. Cord McNally
   Chisum (1970) .... John Simpson Chisum
   The Undefeated (1969) .... Col. John Henry Thomas
   True Grit (1969) .... Rooster Cogburn
   Hellfighters (1968) .... Chance Buckman
   The Green Berets (1968) .... Col. Mike Kirby
   The War Wagon (1967) .... Taw Jackson
   El Dorado (1966) .... Cole Thornton
   Cast a Giant Shadow (1966) .... Gen. Mike Randolph
   The Sons of Katie Elder (1965) .... John Elder
   In Harm's Way (1965) .... Capt./RAdm. Rockwell Torrey
   The Greatest Story Ever Told (1965) .... Centurion at crucifixion... aka George Stevens
   Circus World (1964) .... Matt Masters... aka Samuel Bronston's Circus World
   Donovan's Reef (1963) .... Michael Patrick 'Guns' Donovan
   McLintock! (1963) .... Mc Clintock
   How the West Was Won (1962) .... Gen. William Tecumseh Sherman
   The Longest Day (1962) .... Lt. Col. Benjamin Vandervoort
   Hatari! (1962) .... Sean Mercer
   The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance (1962) .... Tom Doniphon
   'Neath Arizona Skies (1962) .... John Martin
   The Comancheros (1961) .... Ranger Capt. Jake Cutter
   10 del Texas, I (1961)
   North to Alaska (1960) .... Sam McCord
   The Alamo (1960) .... Col. Davy Crockett
   The Horse Soldiers (1959) .... Col. John Marlowe
   Rio Bravo (1959) .... Sheriff John T. Chance
   The Barbarian and the Geisha (1958) .... Townsend Harris
   I Married a Woman (1958) (uncredited) .... John Wayne/Leonard
   Legend of the Lost (1957) .... Joe January... aka Timbuctù (Italy)
   Jet Pilot (1957) .... Col. Jim Shannon
   The Wings of Eagles (1957) .... Frank W. 'Spig' Wead
   The Searchers (1956) .... Ethan Edwards
   The Conqueror (1956) .... Temujin, later Genghis Khan... aka Conqueror of the Desert
   Blood Alley (1955) .... Capt. Tom Wilder... aka William A. Wellman's Blood Alley
   The Sea Chase (1955) .... Capt. Karl Ehrlich
   The High and the Mighty (1954) .... Dan Roman
   Hondo (1953) .... Hondo Lane
   Island in the Sky (1953) .... Capt. Dooley
   Trouble Along the Way (1953) .... Steve Aloysius Williams... aka Alma Mater
   Big Jim McLain (1952) .... James 'Jim' McLain... aka Jim McLain
   The Quiet Man (1952) .... Sean Thornton
   Miracle in Motion (1952) .... Narrator
   Flying Leathernecks (1951) .... Maj. Daniel Xavier 'Dan' Kirby
   Operation Pacific (1951) .... Lt Cmdr. Duke E. Gifford, XO, Thunderfish
   Rio Grande (1950) .... Lt. Col. Kirby Yorke (Commanding Officer, Fort Stark)
   Sands of Iwo Jima (1949) .... Sgt. John M. Stryker
   She Wore a Yellow Ribbon (1949) .... Capt. of Cavalry Nathan Cutting Brittles
   The Fighting Kentuckian (1949) .... John Breen... aka A Strange Caravan
   Wake of the Red Witch (1948) .... Capt. Ralls
   3 Godfathers (1948) .... Robert 'Bob'Marmaduke Sangster Hightower
   Red River (1948) .... Thomas 'Tom' Dunson
   Fort Apache (1948) .... Capt. Kirby York... aka War Party
   Tycoon (1947) .... Johnny Munroe
   Angel and the Badman (1947) .... Quirt Evans... aka The Angel and the Outlaw
   Without Reservations (1946) .... Rusty Thomas... aka Thanks God, I'll Take It From Here
   Desert Command (1946) .... Tom Wayne
   Dakota (1945) .... John Devlin
   They Were Expendable (1945) .... Lt. (j.g.) 'Rusty' Ryan
   Back to Bataan (1945) .... Col. Joseph Madden... aka The Invisible Army
   Flame of Barbary Coast (1945) .... Duke Fergus... aka Flame of the Barbary Coast (UK)
   Tall in the Saddle (1944) .... Rocklin
   The Fighting Seabees (1944) .... Wedge Donovan... aka Donovan's Army
   In Old Oklahoma (1943) .... Daniel F. 'Dan' Somers... aka War of the Wildcats
   A Lady Takes a Chance (1943) .... Duke Hudkins... aka The Cowboy and the Girl
   Reunion in France (1942) .... Pat Talbot, RAF pilot... aka Mademoiselle France
   Pittsburgh (1942) .... Charles 'Pittsburgh' Markham/Charles Ellis
   Flying Tigers (1942) .... Capt. Jim Gordon
   In Old California (1942) .... Tom Craig
   The Spoilers (1942) .... Roy Glennister
   Reap the Wild Wind (1942) .... Capt Jack Stuart...Cecil B. DeMille's Reap the Wild Wind
   Lady for a Night (1942) .... Jackson 'Jack' Morgan
   The Shepherd of the Hills (1941) .... Young Matt
   Lady from Louisiana (1941) .... John Reynolds... aka Lady from New Orleans
   A Man Betrayed (1941) .... Lynn Hollister... aka Citadel of Crime
   Seven Sinners (1940) .... Lt. Dan Brent... aka Cafe of the Seven Sinners
   The Long Voyage Home (1940) .... Ole Olsen
   Three Faces West (1940) .... John Phillips... aka The Refugee
   Dark Command (1940) .... Bob 'Shortcut' Seton
   Allegheny Uprising (1939) .... James 'Jim' Smith... aka The First Rebel (UK)
   New Frontier (1939) .... Stony Brooke... aka Frontier Horizon
   Wyoming Outlaw (1939) .... Stony Brooke
   Three Texas Steers (1939) .... Stony Brooke... aka Danger Rides the Range
   The Night Riders (1939) .... Stony Brooke
   Stagecoach (1939) .... The Ringo Kid
   Red River Range (1938) .... Stony Brook/Benson
   Santa Fe Stampede (1938) .... Stony Brooke
   Overland Stage Raiders (1938) .... Stony Brooke
   Pals of the Saddle (1938) .... Stony Brooke, aka Ezeckial Saunders
   Born to the West (1937) .... Dare Rudd... aka Hell Town (USA: reissue title)
   Adventure's End (1937) .... Duke Slade
   Idol of the Crowds (1937) .... Johnny Hansen
   I Cover the War (1937) .... Bob Adams
   California Straight Ahead! (1937) .... Biff Smith
   Conflict (1936) .... Pat Glendon, aka as 'Farmer' Jones
   Sea Spoilers (1936) .... 'Boson' Bob Randall
   Winds of the Wasteland (1936) .... John Blair
   The Lonely Trail (1936) .... Capt. John Ashley
   King of the Pecos (1936) .... John Clayborn
   The Lawless Nineties (1936) .... John Tipton
   The Oregon Trail (1936) .... Capt John Delmont
   Lawless Range (1935) .... John Middleton, aka John Allen
   The New Frontier (1935) .... John Dawson
   Westward Ho (1935) .... John Wyatt/John Allen
   Paradise Canyon (1935) .... John Wyatt aka John Rogers... aka Paradise Ranch
   The Dawn Rider (1935) .... John Mason
   The Desert Trail (1935) .... John Scott, aka John Jones
   Rainbow Valley (1935) .... John Martin
   Texas Terror (1935) .... Sheriff John Higgins
   'Neath the Arizona Skies (1934) .... Chris Morrell... aka 'Neath Arizona Skies
   The Lawless Frontier (1934) .... John Tobin
   The Trail Beyond (1934) .... Rod Drew
   The Star Packer (1934) .... U.S. Marshal John Travers... aka He Wore a Star (UK)
   Randy Rides Alone (1934) .... Randy Bowers
   The Man from Utah (1934) .... John Weston
   Blue Steel (1934) .... John Carruthers
   West of the Divide (1934) .... Ted Hayden, posing as Gat Ganns
   The Lucky Texan (1934) .... Jerry Mason
   Sagebrush Trail (1933) .... John Brant (using alias John Smith)
   College Coach (1933) (uncredited) .... Student greeting Phil... aka Football Coach (UK)
   Riders of Destiny (1933) .... Singin' Sandy Saunders
   The Man From Monterey (1933) .... Captain John Holmes
   Baby Face (1933) .... Jimmy McCoy Jr.
   The Life of Jimmy Dolan (1933) .... Smith... aka The Kid's Last Fight (UK)
   His Private Secretary (1933) .... Dick Wallace
   Somewhere in Sonora (1933) .... John Bishop
   Central Airport (1933) (uncredited) .... Co-pilot in Wreck
   The Three Musketeers (1933/I) .... Lt. Tom Wayne, USA
   The Telegraph Trail (1933) .... John Trent
   Haunted Gold (1932) .... John Mason
   The Big Stampede (1932) .... Deputy Sheriff John Steele
   That's My Boy (1932) .... Football Player
   Ride Him, Cowboy (1932) .... John Drury... aka The Hawk
   The Hollywood Handicap (1932)
   The Hurricane Express (1932) .... Larry Baker, pilot
   Lady and Gent (1932) .... Buzz Kinney... aka The Challenger
   Two-Fisted Law (1932) .... Duke
   Texas Cyclone (1932) .... Steve Pickett
   The Shadow of the Eagle (1932) .... Craig McCoy
   Running Hollywood (1932)
   The Voice of Hollywood No. 13 (1932) .... Announcer
   Maker of Men (1931) .... Dusty Rhodes... aka Yellow
   Range Feud (1931) .... Clint Turner... aka Range Fued (USA)
   The Deceiver (1931) .... Richard Thorpe as a corpse
   Arizona (1931) .... Lt. Bob Denton... aka The Virtuous Wife
   Three Girls Lost (1931) .... Gordon Wales
   Girls Demand Excitement (1931) .... Peter Brooks
   The Big Trail (1930) .... Breck Coleman, wagon train scout
   Cheer Up and Smile (1930) (uncredited) .... Bit Part
   Rough Romance (1930) (uncredited) .... Lumberjack
   Born Reckless (1930) (uncredited) .... Extra
   Men Without Women (1930) (uncredited) .... Radioman on surface
   The Forward Pass (1929) (uncredited) .... Extra
   Salute (1929) (uncredited) .... Bill (midshipman)
   Words and Music (1929) (as Duke Morrison) .... Pete Donahue
   Noah's Ark (1929) (uncredited) .... Swimming Extra in temple collapse
   The Black Watch (1929) (uncredited) .... Extra... aka King of the Khyber Rifles (UK)
   Speakeasy (1929) (uncredited) .... Extra
   Hangman's House (1928) (uncredited) .... Horse Race Spectator/Condemned Man
   Four Sons (1928) (uncredited) .... Extra
   Mother Machree (1928) (uncredited) .... Extra
   The Drop Kick (1927) .... USC Football Player... aka Glitter (UK)
   Annie Laurie (1927) (uncredited) .... Extra
   The Great K & A Train Robbery (1926) (uncredited) .... Extra
   Bardelys the Magnificent (1926) .... Guard
   Brown of Harvard (1926) (uncredited) .... Yale Football Player
   

hero

he·ro ( P ) (hîro) n. pl. he·roes
In mythology and legend, a man, often of divine ancestry, who is endowed with great courage and strength, celebrated for his bold exploits, and favored by the gods.
A person noted for feats of courage or nobility of purpose, especially one who has risked or sacrificed his or her life....

she says i am her hero,,,,,i would exchange any possibility of fame or fortune to be only that.....i guess the artist (barbara kruger) who is responsible for this work has not met the object of my undivided attention....

coconut verses shark (mental floss)

"more people are killed annually by falling coconuts then shark attacks" (mental floss magazine),,,,,,
freakin unbelievable.......

"trade your bling bling for poke chops" (live 8)

Live 8 is bullshit. The concert to call “awareness” (starving people can’t eat “awareness“,,,unless it come with a side of potato salad) to the hungry in Africa is nothing more than an opportunity for fat American youth in their cute Volkswagen Bugs and BMW’s to go to a free concert. Worse than the self indulgent teens are the multimillion dollar rap stars who rhymed their way to obnoxious “bling bling” and a stable of million dollar vehicles.

If I would have named the event I would have called it something that really put food in the hungry‘s mouths. Something like: “Trade Yo Bling Bling For Poke (sic) Chops.”

I did the math and here is what I came up with:
If just four of the “stars” that showed their mug at the event would give 10% of their gross income from last year, this would be the number of pork chops we could send to the hungry in Africa.
P Diddy…….. $36 million last year (Forbes)
Will Smith…..$35 million…………
Jay Z………...$28 million………..
Snoop Dog….$26 million………….
Total………...$125 million…………………
$125 million / 10% = $12.5 million
Pork Chops cost per pound: $1.99
$12,500,000 x $1.99 = 6,281,407 pounds of pork chops
Let’s say they are big, ½ pound pork chops…that’s twelve million, five hundred sixty two thousand, eight hundred pork chops.”

Being “aware” of the pork chop in your belly is better then a bunch of filthy rich rap stars making the fat kids here in America “aware” for a day that Africa does not have a Taco Bell or McDonalds.

Just so you don’t think I’m being prejudiced I have decided to kick Willie Nelson’s (Farm Aid) ass if I catch him sporting a $250,000 grill (gold diamond encrusted teeth), a 10 pound platinum Rolex, and a 2 million dollar diamond crested marijuana leaf on a platinum necklace the size of a logging chain.

"blue dog" by george rodrigue

school mumbo jumbo

Homework Assignment
Pathetic Appeal Introduction
“Writing Arguments” (page 135)
Andrew


Legalizing drugs. (“Just say no”, “This is your brain. This is your brain on drugs”, “Parents. The anti-drug”, “Hemp your rights”, “Just say yes”, “Just like Old Glory this shirt is made with hemp”) Most liberal politicians run from this social issue, trying not to offend the moderately conservative, pseudo-organized religious constituents left in their “if it feels good do it” party. Some conservative politicians on the other hand preach from their self-appointed senate soap boxes of the moral ills of drugs, illegal or not. I on the other hand do not see the problem as being social or moral. I could care less if you smoke a pound every night after the kiddies are tucked in, or whether you attend church every time the doors are open. I am against the idea of government intruding in my life anymore than it already has. As it is now, the United States government is so far up my ass with laws they cannot enforce that when I sneeze, a red, white, and blue mist fills the constricting air around my face.

more school mumbo jumbo edited by a hot red headed english teacher

Proposal Paper
Andrew


Guarding Our Borders
(The Fox and the Hen House and Charity Starts at Home)


The government’s answer to the post September 11 fearfully stated security question:
“What are we going to do now”, was neatly packaged and delivered to the American people in the form of another government agency. .The Office of Homeland Security was unveiled September 20, 2001 in an effort to preclude any further terrorist attacks and to make us feel safer. It has without a doubt partly worked. We as Americans do feel safer. Feeling safer and being safer are two different things. How can we really be safer when the majority of our 6,061 miles of border here in the United States are daily exposed to anyone who wants to enter? It is like having a hen house in the middle of fox infested woods with six thousand holes in the fence. If you do not mend the fence, the foxes will keep killing the hens. We too must mend our “fences” or suffer the certain consequences of the many foxes waiting to enter our “hen house.” Very nice thesis, Andrew ( my best teacher voice).
Guarding our borders has always been low on the totem pole in the United States. Without publicly saying it, we are glad thousands of immigrant workers flow across our borders each year to tend to our produce gardens. We Americans love our salads and orange juice and are willing to let the bales of marijuana and kilos of cocaine enter through the same hole in the fence that the migrant workers do. OOOH - good. Prior to September 11, that was the basic, mostly non-violent scenario on our US borders. Cheap lettuce was a fair price to pay for an occasional bale of marijuana making it through. We never imagined (or at least seldom worried) about our borders being a place where people who wanted to eliminate us would enter. We would be naive to think that profiling at airports is even in the neighborhood of doing all we can do to thwart any further violent acts against us. Even in the event that all of our airports somehow had a “bad guy” detector, the nineteen terrorist that were part of flying jets into our buildings would not have been apprehended until they were already in the country. Catching any terrorist once they are here is like shutting the gate after the cows are out. We must protect our nation’s borders to protect us with any significant meaning.
According to the Washington Times, one hundred forty million vehicles carrying three hundred eighty million people will cross into the United States from the six thousand miles of United States, Canadian /Mexican borders this year (Washington Times, 2003). The United States has ten thousand, five hundred border patrol agents guarding the six thousand miles of north/south border (U.S. Dept of State, 2002). That is the same as the old analogy of sticking your finger in the dyke to keep the water out and the dam from breaking. The sheer number of vehicles and people entering each year is much more than the present border patrol personnel can even begin to check. So where do we get more agents to so to speak, “even the playing field”, and to make it a realistic proposal, how do we pay for it?
USA Today recently reported that everyday, thirty-seven thousand United States military troops guard the border of South Korea (USA Today, 20040. They are the residual military presence of the Korean War fought over fifty years ago. As usual, whenever we go to another countries aid in times of war we always leave behind some of our troops to help guard what we helped them to get. Getting it for them seems not to be enough. We never say, “Here you go. Here is freedom from tyranny and oppression, now we are going home.”
Helping others is, and has been a cornerstone of America the Beautiful. No country on the face of the earth does more to help humanity than we American’s do. Need some food to feed the multitudes of hungry citizens, starving to death because of a greedy government dictatorship in your third world country? We will send cargo planes full of nourishment right away. Need some extra cash to build a few more golden monuments to your self-imposed ruler and keep your country running? Here‘s a big fat check. Have a big mean dictator raping your wives and killing your children? We will kick his ass. Oooh , You couldn’t use this word at Liberty - Jerry would get ya There is nothing wrong with helping someone in need, but who should be helped first? If my children are hungry and so is my neighbor, who should I feed first? If I feed my children first, does that mean I am insensitive and have no concern for my neighbor?
So many people equate the adage “charity starts at home” as some self-indulgent reason to not go out and save the world. I do not want my neighbor to go hungry but I will feed my children first. To accept my proposal of pulling thirty thousand troops from Korea (thus leaving them seven thousand troops or seven times the number of “guards” we have guarding our Mexican border) and situating them strategically on our own border means accepting the idea of charity starting at home. Taking care of your own family before you take care of your neighbor is not selfish or uncaring; it is naturally how human nature is arranged. “But what about the unfortunate South Korean’s” you may ask. “The horrible North Koreans may try to annihilate them again.” True, but what about the hundreds of Americans who innocently awoke and went to work one morning and a few minutes later, were jumping to their death from flame-engulfed buildings in New York City?
If any country and people are in the cross hairs of immediate injury and danger, it is our own. To use my “charity starts at home” analogy, our fathers, mothers, sisters, and brothers are starving to death. We as an American family must reassemble and “feed” those we share a symbolic American house. Excellent point Pulling thirty thousand of the thirty-seven thousand military we have had in South Korea for fifty years would more than triple the number the of border patrol agents we currently have in place at this time. With the troops we pull would also come their equipment. How much better of a job guarding our nations borders could we do by adding to a bunch of guys in cowboy hats and old Ford Bronco’s thirty thousand veteran military personnel in Humvee’s and Black Hawk Helicopters? Hoorah! (Marine talk!) Do you think we could cover more and see more from an Apache Helicopter with night vision capabilities than from a q-beam flashlight atop a horse?
Nothing in life is free. All the greatest plans and intentions are useless if you cannot finance them. The tendency at this point is to go into a long-winded life insurance sales pitch to convince you we cannot afford not to spend the money required on guarding our borders. You are good. Another emotional, financial, appeal is to run the scenario down like a cheap credit card commercial. “Thirty thousand soldiers, fifty million dollars.” “Two thousand Humvee’s, eighty million dollars.” “Apache Helicopters, seventy five million dollars.” “Not having the fear of some radical Islamic killing you and your infidel family?” “Priceless!”
The beauty of this proposal is that it is already paid for. Every year for the last fifty years, we have been writing a check out of the U.S. Defense fund to a United States soldier in South Korea. Actually, thirty-seven thousand checks. Now, we would still be writing the check but we would be paying them for taking care of their own family. Any cost of transporting them and their equipment back home would be recovered the first few times we did not have to pay them to come home and another group go out. Same amount of money spent, three times the security here at home. Some will argue that all this new military presence at the borders will make us feel like prisoners in our own country. Will adding the additional troops put us in a state of martial law? Some would argue that it’s what we should have been doing for many years.
Martial law is the temporary rule by military authorities imposed on a civilian population, which in this case is not the fact. To use our previous analogy of the fox and the hen house, martial law would mean we would stand at the fence around the hen house preventing the hens from getting out and being consumed by the foxes. What we would actually be doing by guarding our borders with the military is keeping the foxes out of the hen house. Our focus is not on what the hens are doing but rather on what the foxes are doing. We would no more feel imprisoned in our own country than we feel imprisoned by the guards keeping us out of harm’s way from the inmates in state prison. I never change my plans for a trip or feel oppressed and in prison because; the prison guards at Angola State Penitentiary are keeping the prisoners from me, not keeping me from them.
If the truth were told, there is very little we can do to prevent an individual who is willing to take his own life in exchange for yours from causing harm. The normal deterrents of prison and death are of no avail. Terrorism is an unfair fight with no rules and no targets. If we cannot keep all the foxes out of the hen house, at least we can make it more difficult for them to get through the fence.
The very nature of our country throughout history has been and is symbolized on the statue in New York Harbor that welcomes all to our country:

“Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me.
I lift my lamp beside the golden door."

As gracious as we are, we must continue to care for others without ignoring our own. We must first protect and care for our own tired and poor so they will be able to care for others.We must, or it could quite possibly kills us.



Cute, smart, funny, and intelligent. Will you marry me? I love to write, Andy. I love an intelligent man. I was drawn to you by your cuteness, but may fall in love with the man behind the cute face. J Hope my comments aren’t taken as criticism: it’s just what I do. Anytime you want me to edit or read a paper before you turn in in, just send it to me.
GO ANDY!!!! Kick some border patrol butt! Your argument is concise, clearly presented. You wander a bit in the middle section, but come back and conclude strongly. (Kind of like life, eh?) I like your analogies; they work well with your thesis. I like you, too. J

10 things men know about women

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10. Women have breast

10 things men know about women (#10)

queer eye BY the straight guy

Art Critique One
World Art History
Trompe L'oeil

Three Herons On Brown

Andrew


“Three Herons On Brown” is a unique trompe l’oeil painting by Henry Nubig of the Nubig Art Gallery in Baton Rouge. It is not unique because it has an unusual composition, but unique because of the natural pigments Henry employs in all of his works. This Louisiana artist still mines his pigments the way artist’s of yesterday had to, from the earth of his homeland. “Louisiana Mud Paintings” has been a unique staple in my hometown of Baton Rouge for years.
Organic shapes dominate the piece while the contour and implied lines create shadows and outline the forms creating a three-dimensional impression. The warm colors are all created with shades and hues, no “raw” primary or secondary colors are used. The lack of complementary colors, the non-saturation of the colors, and the little change in value makes this a warm and peaceful piece.
As I considered the piece, I realized my perspective of the content was that of a common bayou scene (three white Herons standing in the Cypress knee dotted marsh, a modest camp and pier in the background) made to come to life with uncommon pigments mined from the very area frozen in time.

The entire time I composed this critique I found myself having an un-controllable desire to groom my eyebrows and paint my motorcycle fuschia......

NINETEEN HUNDRED AND THIRTY - TWO THOUSAND AND FOUR 

more queer eye BY the straight guy

Art Critique Three
Gothic Architecture

“Stephansdom”
World Art History
Andrew


“Stephansdom” or “St. Stephen’s Cathedral” is a emblematic example of Gothic architecture in Vienna Austria. One of Europe’s most important Gothic buildings and Vienna’s most famous sight, Stephansdom defines the city’s interior. Built in 1147 and restructured in Gothic style by order of Duke Rudolf IV in 1359, its typical and atypical Gothic elements and intruding presence caught my eye and curiosity.
Beginning with the typical parts of Gothic architecture, a system of flying buttresses is a construction staple that is both practical and visually aesthetic. Moving to the face of the structure, one is instantly drawn to the huge pointed arch that is regarded as one of the main identifiable features of Gothic architecture. The considerable pointed arch doorway is characteristic of this period but what is interesting is the lack of the single, circular rose window usually found between the top of the door and the roofline. In its place is a pointed arch window that engulfs the front of the cathedral. Upon closer inspection one will find the rose window inset into the inside point of the massive arch. Numerous less significant pointed arch windows dot the face of the structure, allowing the spiritual and mysterious quality of light inside that is an important element of the religious symbolism of Gothic cathedrals. The intricately tiled roof depicting the twin-headed imperial eagle of Austria is a maze of triangular patterns. The pyramidal outline of the spires atop the three towers is commonplace in Gothic architecture but dramatic just the same. Atypically atop the forth tower is a Renaissance dome added in the 16th century.
Stephansdom like other cathedrals of its time seemed to be built to reflect the wealth and influence of the church in the middle ages. It is the epitome of Gothic architecture and some of its atypical features tend to add a bit of curiosity to this magnificent architectural piece of art.

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FUEL EFFICENT HOG

"We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed"